Relate Well

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Do you relate well to others?

Empathy, the first of the Four Protective Walls of a relationship is explored. This chapter concludes with application exercises for therapy including listening and confiding skills to achieve greater empathy in relationships. Goodwill is the second of the Four Protective Walls explored in this session.

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Marks reviews research and shares the need for forgiveness as an act of goodwill and a tool to accomplish healing. Marks further teaches how to integrate forgiveness as an intervention tool. Also covered are skills required for emotional regulation; how conflict is structured through the stress response system; and how conflict can be resolved maturely while protecting the relationship.

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Respect is the third trait of Four Protective Walls. In this module, Dr. Marks discusses the impact of communication styles and how treatment of others impacts relational dynamics. A case study of two communication skills will be delivered in the context of couples therapy. Take advantage of each one. Being able to show that you are a courteous person is a powerful tool. Exploit the power of peer pressure. You can steer students in the right direction by making sure everyone in the class is courteous. When this happens, discourteous students will see that there is no peer support for bad behavior.

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You can do this by modeling acceptance and respect for each of your students, particularly the ones who struggle with social skills. Pay attention to the interactions of your students. When you see that relations are about to sour among a group of students, a quiet word or two from you will often put things right. Teach your students that they have control over their emotions. They can change an unpleasant attitude. They do not have to act out a negative feeling.

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Make your stand of zero tolerance for threats, bullying and intimidation well known. Be careful about activities in your classroom that could set up a fierce competition that could go too far and turn into conflict.

Help students understand the concept of a win-win situation instead of just emerging victorious over an opponent. Learning to reach common ground is an important skill that can make resolving conflicts a straightforward process.

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